I’m gonna just jot down what the honest truth is for me as of late…
1. I love living alone and I love silence. I love coming home to a cat that doesn’t have to ask me questions. I don’t like it when people call me. I don’t like hearing any rings from my phone. Why? lord knows.
2. I enjoy frosted mini wheats right before I pass out at night. I used to sleep like a mummy but ever since my body changed last year (hitting 25, gaining some weight…) I sleep now like a twisted rag doll.
3. I am happy to not be dating cause every time I date a guy, my brain and heart get fucked up and right now I love focusing on my world and bubble of family and friends and comedy.
4. I am learning to control my anger and patience. I do this by having a few tactics:
a.) I envision a image of me dropping a bag labeled “Anger” off of a cliff and it soars down on a rock where it cracks and disintegrates.
b.) I breathe in “I’m taming…” breathe out “my gremlin”. (from the book “Taming Your Gremlin”.
c.) I just say to myself “Poor person. They have a sucky life. Feel sorry for him/her that he/she is having a really bad day. Good riddance.”
5. I love playing guitar and covering emo songs and letting my heart feel that is wonderful.
6. I hate that I can’t swim at my parents house anymore. I don’t want to hurt them cause I have tattoo’s on my upper left arm. I can now only swim at night, with no pool light, only the moonlight shining upon me.
7. I love being the unexpected person. I don’t like anyone have expectations of what they see me as. I love changing and molding into a different creature. Hence, why I do voices.
8. I haven’t changed up my look drastically at all. It is because I’ve come to pure acceptance of myself. All the years before 25 I always felt I had to look like a celeb or change up my look in order to feel good.
9. I don’t even know if I want to get married. I’ve never visioned a wedding or a husband. I see nothing. I see only my work and cats.
10. I don’t mind becoming the old cat lady. I think that’s beautiful.
11. I love sleeping. The stupid world shuts off… but then my dreams turn on and I feel like I’m stoned.
12. I love smelling my pillows.
13. I have been avoiding my usual hooking up with the dude I hook up with. Why? Because it’s a waste of time. I dunno. Every now and then it’s nice. But I don’t want any attachments.
14. Ella, my cat, just sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. Perhaps she is sad?
15. I love art and drawing what I’m feeling. It helps me so much in the moments I can’t express in words.
16. I try to be motivated and busy on a daily basis but sometimes it’s hard to be that way 24/7. Usually once a month, I’ll have a day for “giving up”. Where I dress up as ugly as possible and sleep and not do anything on schedule. I cry and draw and say to myself “I’m nothing.” Then sleep it off and the next day is brand new.
Well, that should be good for today. A few premises I can already see now. Going to open mics in a bit and will let you guys know how it goes!